Loving the Unlovable

Last week, I talked about a lesson we could learn from a difficult situation my children and I are encountering. I discussed how the actions of a church member reflects on their church and on Christianity in general. This week, I'd like to look at a lesson we can learn from being on the other side of the behavior...the victims, as it were.

As I mentioned last week, a group of us are being treated in a way we feel is extremely unfair and unkind. It's always surprising to be mistreated, but when it is at the hands of other Christians, it seems shocking to us. How could those who claim to love Christ treat others in such a way? And yet, one only has to look a short way into the history of Christianity to find us hurting one another. It's not a new phenomenon, and sadly, it continues. A few years ago when I had been absolutely crushed by a couple of Christian women, a friend sagely told me that “Christian soldiers are the only ones that stab their own in the back.” The fact that that's a saying is telling, and it's not a good story it tells.

After “the last straw” event occurred in the situation I mentioned last week, and we had to go back to that place the next week, (and again, I apologize for the ambiguity, but I have no desire to disparage either the people or the church I am dealing with), Ashley and I had a good talk. She really didn't want to go, and I honestly didn't either, although I was trying to mask that feeling for her sake. She was upset that we had to go back to a place we obviously weren't wanted. She was angry at being mistreated. She was hurt and disillusioned and all the other feelings that come with being ten years old and having experienced so little of the world's ugliness to this point. As I explained that we still had to go, Bible verses started coming to me. Thank you, Holy Spirit! Luke 6 tells us “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” We read this to our children. We preach it from the pulpits. We spout it to others who are in distress. But do we live it? Ashley and I talked about what it means to do good to those who hate you, and to bless those who curse you. We talked about treating people with grace, even when they don't deserve it, because of course, that's when they need grace. We talked about God's grace extended to us all. And that led to something beautiful.

Unfairness. I think the unfairness of the situation is what was the real sticking point here. If we have a disagreement with someone, if we have done something back to them, if we have contributed to the situation in some way, we can understand being treated badly. But when we really have done nothing at all that we can see, it just feels more unfair. And here's where the Holy Spirit really stepped in to give me words. We may not have wronged these particular people. We may not have actually contributed to the dispute this time. But we have wronged people. We have hurt others, sinned against them, sometimes accidentally and sometimes fully on purpose. We are sinners. Jesus, on the other hand, never once sinned. He never once wronged anyone, and yet he was treated beyond unfairly. It hurts us in a special way when we are mistreated and we feel we were right, but imagine if you'd never, ever, wronged anyone. Ever! Jesus' whole life, His very human existence, was an exercise of grace and mercy to save the very people who hated him. He never sinned, and yet people spit on Him, threw things, hit Him, beat Him, said the vilest of things to and about Him. They placed the crown of thorns upon His precious head, they pounded nails in His flesh, they hoisted Him up on the cross, and they continued to hurl insult and blasphemy upon Him. And He responded, not in indignation or anger or despair, but in love and forgiveness. Even as they continued to mock Him, He implored His father to forgive them. We read these words, we know the stories, and yet, saying them aloud, trying to convey to Ashley how unfairly He was treated, and how minor our injury is compared to His, was so powerful. Tears snaked down my face as I tried to express the emotion to her. No story is more powerful. Hatred and fear and evil met love and forgiveness, and grace prevailed. We need more love and forgiveness, and less righteous indignation. We need more mercy and grace. We need more Jesus.

I won't mislead you and say all the hurt went away in that moment. But it lessened. And it continues to lessen as we continue to focus on loving others, even as Jesus loves us at our most unlovable times.